Retch Up 3: Retch Up 2 Da Stweet

   As a loving boyfriend, certain concessions must be made. Despite what self-proclaimed playaz/novelists will tell you, womenfolk's opinion do matter. It's important not to relent to the inner knuckle dragger. No matter how much it hurts. Even if you have to watch STEP UP 3.
   In all fairness, I volunteered to watch it. I brought the devil into the house and the devil sat for months. After a string of shitty foreign films I suggested ( I only watch so I can check off the box for my 'pretentious white guy' application), guilt set in like squatters in a condemned building.
   What followed was the unashamed rewrite of BREAKIN 2:ELECTRIC BUGALOO spliced with Rudolph's island of misfit toys. Lucky for the producers, the target audience is too fickle to remember Rudolph. And their parents were likely conceived after their grandparents saw BREAKIN'.When I was a kid, there was no sneaking the message. They had to put morals-shaping tales in the form of the infamous Afterschool Special. MTV has since learned if you hide the bitter pill of a lesson in the tasty luncheon meat slice of hip soundtrack, kids will swallow anything. I started cruising high schools with a Timbaland album wrapped around my dick.
    An underground dance crew has to win a big dance battle to save their dance studio from foreclosure. I've never seen a story like it. Ever. EVER. What boggles my mind is a dusty warehouse pulsing with chest pounding bass filled full of tight tank-topped hipsters talking about what's street. Those twinkle toes aren't nearly as street as Madonna back up dancers. Watch MADONNA:TRUTH OR DARE. Her guys would  beat the hair gel out of the STEP UP sissies and shove the street up their asses like a prosthetic fist.
   My girl claims she's not watching it for the story (though she turned the volume UP during a dialogue scene). It reminds me of when I used to have to endure a lame storyline, jammed inconveniently between the sex scenes, in porn. The writers didn't try much then either. It was always about a nymphomaniac getting a job in a mailroom. Or was it a nymphomaniac selling magazine subscriptions door to door? They all look the same after a while. Especially when the blindness sets in. And the hairy palms.

   Thank God my vision came back so I could experience the joy that is STEP UP 3.