Thinking (Outside) the Box

      Heard rumblings of a movie called BLACK SWAN. The director had done some other films I liked a bunch and I put a mental flag on it, even if it stood the same chance as every other movie I wanted to see. Funny how a simple thing like a girlfriend (though simple she most certainly IS NOT) can make the latest Kristen Bell catastrophe take priority over something more cerebral. Like THE EXPENDABLES.
    I was handed a nice stack of bargaining chips to help me convince the girl it was worth the movie money she would've rather spent on the latest Ashton Kutcher joint including:

• The movie's about the ballet. Women LOVE the ballet.

•  Natalie Portman, though attractive, doesn't set off jealous girlfriend alarms nearly as fast as Megan Fox or Sasha Grey.

•  Mila Kunis co-starred in FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL with Kristen Bell.

    Thanks to Perez Hilton and other jabberjaws, I got privy to a couple reasons why I NEEDED to see it, such as:

• Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman have dirty lesbian sex.

• Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman have dirty lesbian sex.

• The imagery of the film truly captures the frustration amidst the fruition of one's life dream. Namely, Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman having dirty lesbian sex.

    Of course, by the time my lazy ass got to see it, Oscar season came around and Natalie Portman was nominated for Best Actress in a girl/girl scene. The theater was peppered with suburban pseudo-intellectuals in their 50s who wanted to be able to brag about all the biggest movies while snarfing cocktail wieners in their neighbor's living room in between marital aid demonstrations. Nothing quite like watching near porn with a bunch of old white people to remind me of the time I talked up a movie so much, my parents couldn't wait to see BASIC INSTINCT with me. Ah...memories...